Usual Satire
Pakistan stops printing Indian currency
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Pakistan stops printing Indian currency

Abbottabad, Pakistan

Feb 30, 2016

Pakistan today formally announced that it will stop printing fake Indian currency notes, with President Kayani signing an order to this effect.

“The cost of printing a fake 5000 Rupee note is higher than the benefit of destabilizing the Indian economy”, a statement from Kayani said. “Besides, there is nothing we can now do to worsen India’s situation”, it wryly noted.

Indian Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi welcomed the move. “We plan to resume dialogue on the deadline of handing over Kashmir to Pakistan, and this enables us to start talks on a firm note”, the PMO said.

No Accountability Council Chairperson Sonia Gandhi claimed this was a historic victory for the UPA. “For the first time in history Pakistan has admitted that its soil, air & water were being used as a base for printing Indian currency”.

The news boosted the markets. The Sensex closed up 500 points to end at 5106. Raghuram Rajan, Governor of the RBI said he finally expects inflation to stabilize at 153%.

Most of the printers Pakistan used were gifted by China. This had led to a freeze in Sino-Indian relations, especially as the dispute over the Chinese siege of Zangnan (formerly Arunachal Pradesh) was amicably resolved after China agreed not to further annex any more Indian territory. As Pakistan would require no more supply of printers, Chinese relations with India are expected to improve here on.

Analysts say Pakistan had no choice left. After India passed the landmark Indira Gandhi RTC (Right to Cash) act of 2014, which enabled every Indian household to print currency, Pakistan lost any strategic advantage it held on the fake currency issue. Within a year, the Rupee dropped in value from 55 to the dollar to about 56000 in September 2015 (India has since stopped benchmarking the currency).

The IGRTC act helped the UPA win an unprecedented third term in office, despite the deep unpopularity it faced just two years before 2014. The landmark act allows for each family to buy one printer & five ink cartridges each. It has been fairly well implemented – not less than 1.1 billion people have access to a printer.

There have been hiccups, though. An audit revealed a $650 billion scam involving purchase of faulty printers. The case is being monitored by the Supreme Court, and a few ministers are in jail.

However, despite all the bad news, US based banks still remain optimistic on India. “Their fundamentals are very strong, and we expect India to become the world’s third largest economy by 2450”, Citigroup noted.

Usual Satire is a compulsive liar & can wash dishes very well. He hopes to become President of India.