The left liberal syndrome
Over last couple of centuries, mankind has achieved tremendous growth in every field. We have documented all life forms on earth, sent a man on the moon, and even got a medicine for erection. Medical science has taken a big leap from only a century ago. More than ten thousand physical and mental conditions have been researched, documented and cures for many have been found. But human mind keeps surprising us.
Even today, every now and then, a new disease, a new condition emerges and gets researchers running. Latest in the book is “the left liberal syndrome”, identified in India. It is a deep psychological condition that alters a little of exterior behaviour, and difficult to trace as the victims are seen adaptive and good at camouflage. As it has not been researched yet, we know little of it, except the symptoms. For the benefit of our readers, we’ve listed a few:
Hypersensitivity to colours
This condition triggers the latent primitive instinct that strives on colours. The patients of Left Liberal Syndrome (hereafter referred as LLS) are observed to be obsessively identifying, differentiating and categorising various colours. Like a raging bull’s reaction to red colour, saffron throws LLS patients into a fit and they are seen frothing at mouth at its very sight. In such a situation, readers are advised not to go near as they are extremely dangerous and they can turn violent. On the other hand, green colour is seen to be having a soothing effect on their troubled mind.
The patients of LLS are seen to be living in deep hallucinations which vary from conspiracy theories, paranoia, fear of genocides, demons in human forms, demigods, and many more. This symptom is said to have been caused because of schizophrenia that often accompanies LLS. And they support the hallucinations with conviction, and figures which even rodeo clown association of Ohio wouldn’t endorse. They often come up with theories, and present them as facts, believe in them from the heart, and stay defiant in their defence.
Bedtime story obsession
LLS patients are like kids who prefer bedtime stories ending with ‘Happily ever after’. They like small people winning over big ones, few winning over more. They live on premise of ‘good always wins’, and as they believe in righteousness of small, or a few, they hate everything big or many. In their mind, the few, or small, is always right, and they are oppressed because they’re right. They seek to set it right, return the balance. So, in other words, if they’re few, they’re always right.
They are also obsessed with version of stories they like to hear. If someone changes even a little, they go hysteric. Their heroes are supposed to be heroes and only heroes. Like most kids, they can’t really grasp the concept of shades of grey. Their brain is best equipped to tackle only black and white.
LLS patients have special love for foreign names and characters, especially those from Arabian nights. Local names don’t have enough romance in them to make heroes; hence they don’t like bedtime stories with Indian names in it. Their obsession with Arabic characters is said to have been result of the lack of exotic of Indian names and characters.
LLS patients often get aggressive if they’re confronted with anything that isn’t compatible with their hallucinations. When told about the real world, they often yell, abuse, act silly, get violent, or simply run away. They are proven to be very volatile and unpredictable. They act like a kid which bites you when you tell him Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Hence, readers are advised not to disturb their tour of the wonderland unless they’re prepared to tackle and restrain the patients. Doctors have advised to feed reality in little dosages over long period of time for the best result.
Much like dogs, LLS patients are obsessed with the territorial claims. Often, many LLS patients are seen grouping to create a vast territory, mainly the right to create and tell fictional stories, full of romance & tragedy, usually with the saffron clad villains, or a dimple-wallah-clown-prince, or a divine queen bee. They swoop down on anyone like vultures, who tries to enter their territory and threaten their monopoly. Recently an outsider was seen to enter the LLS territory, and was confronted and booed by hundreds, hundreds of LLS patients till he stopped further advancement.
Degree of deliriousness
Like that film, ‘A beautiful mind’, many of them think, their alleged degrees have made them more or less like Stephen hawking, enabled them to work in top secret government organisations, cracking enemy codes and saving the world from evil super-villains like Nemo (or Namo in Indian version of the comic book). They usually claim they have something called PhD, though doctors are clueless as to which medical condition that PhD is supposed to be.
This, my dear readers, is the known list of symptoms so far, of this dangerous condition called LLS. Please take care if you come across any, and try to not torment them by exposing them to this thing called reality.