Arvind Kejriwal’s tips for performance appraisal
Many eons ago, when Ravikiran had not been bitten by Ayn Rand, he had written an excellent post on Sonia Gandhi, this post is inspired by the same post.
Manager: So how do you assess your performance?
Arvind Kejriwal: I think that my performance has been outstanding.
Manager: Well that’s interesting, because I see you have not delivered anything in the last year!
AK: That’s correct.
Manager: In that case, don’t you think your self assessment is a bit inflated.
AK: Not at all, you see, you are looking at this from the wrong angle.
Manager: I am not sure I follow you, see for example Narendra and his team have delivered a killer app to our customers and while Rahul and his legacy team have been nothing but disaster at the least they have delivered something.
AK: See. That is the problem, this obsession with delivery. May I suggest this is the wrong way of appraising, and further, if I may, there is a better way?
Manager: Oh really, well what is that better way.
AK: Why good man, it is just before your eyes. See I have not produced a single bug. Whereas, you’re much vaunted Narendra model of software development has resulted in nothing but tens and tens of bugs. It is clear that both Narendra and Rahul are failures.
Manager: Now wait a minute, Rahul and his team has worked since the beginning of this company, and they have more experience, on the other hand Narendra and his team delivered a far better product in far lesser time than Rahul and team. In fact I am thinking of promoting Narendra.
AK: No! You must not do that, you have been deceived by Narendra using ideas such as delivery and what not. Our top priority, scratch that, our only priority, should be quality. We cannot compromise on it. In fact I propose that zero defects should be our only goal, delivery should be optional, and in fact since delivery is impediment in achieving zero defect goals, I think we should do away with delivery. And I think you will agree that no one is more qualified to achieve goal of zero defect without delivering anything whatsoever than myself.
Manager: Now that you have put it this way, your logic seems impeccable to me, I think I will promote you instead.
AK: Now that this small matter is out of the way, here is my list of 18 conditions before I accept promotion.